Character Building: Self Development

Self Development

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Meaning and Goals of Self Development

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The meaning of self-development is:

A deliberate, continuous, and unceasing effort, carried out in various ways and forms, to enable the realization of one’s physical and spiritual potential in a good and optimal way, leading a person to true maturity. This great endeavor is a consequence of one’s position as a human being endowed with reason.

The goals to be achieved through this self-development effort are:

The optimal realization of one’s physical and spiritual potential towards the good, leading a person to a mature level, enabling them to build better relationships with themselves, the world, others, and God.

This effort involves the human being entirely and uses the available support systems.

Ways to Develop Oneself

1. Knowing and accepting oneself
2. Having a strong will to develop oneself
3. Utilizing open possibilities
4. Learning from mistakes

Important aspects that need to be developed as concrete forms of self-development are:

1. Healthy mental state
2. Personal integrity
3. Independent, creative, and innovative
4. Self-motivation

Mental Strength and Resilience

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The following exposition is taken from the book Adversity Quotient, Turning Obstacles into Opportunities, written by Paul G. Stoltz, 2000.

1. Adversity Quotient (AQ): The primary determinant for success
2. Quitters, Campers, and Climbers
3. Adversity Response Profile (ARP): The ability to face problems and respond to and deal with every issue.

Definition of Adversity Quotient (AQ)

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After 19 years of extensive research and reviewing over 500 references, Paul G. Stoltz proposed a new intelligence besides IQ, EQ, and SQ, namely AQ.

According to him, AQ is the intelligence to overcome adversity. It’s about how to turn obstacles into opportunities. In other words, a person with a high AQ will be more capable of realizing their goals compared to someone with a low AQ.

As an illustration, Stoltz uses the terminology of mountain climbers. In this regard, Stoltz divides mountain climbers into three categories:

1. Quitters (those who give up). Quitters are those who merely survive. They easily despair and give up halfway.
2. Campers (camping halfway). They dare to take on jobs with risks, but the risks are safe and measurable. They are easily satisfied and stop halfway.
3. Climbers (climbers who reach the top). They dare to face risks and complete their tasks.

For the world of work and life, it is very clear. Many workers with low intellectual intelligence (IQ) can defeat those with high IQs who lack the spirit and courage to face problems and take action. With AQ, we can analyze how employees/workers are able to turn challenges into opportunities that will increase productivity and company profits.

That was a brief overview of the Adversity Quotient. What about you?

“winner never quits and quitter never wins”
“A winner never quits and a quitter never wins"

David Campbell Ph.D states that creativity is an activity that produces results containing the characteristics of being:

1. innovative
2. useful
3. understandable

Developing Oneself into a Resilient Person with the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

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Character is a Collection of Various Habits

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What is an effective person?

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Effectiveness (The Goose and the Golden Eggs)

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• Effective Person, If P/PC is Balanced
• P = Product (Golden Eggs)
• PC = Production Capability (The Goose)

Effective

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• Achieving Results
• Growing and Developing

What is developing? Our assets

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• Physical: house, vehicle, furniture, etc.
• Financial: money, savings, etc.
• Human: Body, mind, emotions

How to do it?

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Balancing between:

Production and Production Capacity
(Aesop: The goose and the golden eggs)

Shifting Paradigms

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• Changing perspective from ordinary to more complete and useful
• Changing behavior and attitude in line with the new perspective
• Stopping old habits
• Aligning the map (value system) with the compass (correct principles)

Salary Philosophy

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Habit 1 - Be Proactive

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Principles of Personal Vision

Reactive Model

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Proactive Model

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Being Proactive

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• Take initiative # be aggressive, don’t wait, do something
• Act, don’t wait to be told to act
• Be part of the solution, not part of the problem
• Don’t say: can’t, must, if only,
  but say: I choose, prefer, will

Proactive = Responsible

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• Not blaming circumstances
• Not blaming the environment

• Result of conscious choice
• Based on value systems (values)

Circle of Influence

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Circle of Influence Vs Circle of Concern

Proactive Person

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• Actions are Controlled
• Responsible
• Focus on the “Circle Of Influence”
• Complete tasks thoroughly
• Not Defensive

Habit 2 - Begin with the End in Mind

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Principles of Personal Leadership

Personal Leadership

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Results of Habit 2

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• Having Direction in Life
• Planning Every Activity
• Maintaining Long-Term Focus
• Providing Direction for Work Groups

Discovering Personal Mission

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Personal Mission Statement:

• What is My Purpose in Life?
• What is Most Valuable in My Life?
• What Talents Do I Possess?
• What Do I Want to Achieve at the End of My Life?

The Importance of Understanding Our Roles

• PMS is made by outlining Roles
• Roles are the key to creating a balanced life
• Within each Role, there are Goals
• Goals: Short-term, medium, long-term
• Goals must align with the PMS

How to Create a Personal Mission Statement (PMS)

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• Determine who/what influences our lives
• Determine Your Life Roles (in family, school/office, society)
• Are you satisfied with these realities?
• Determine who you want to be?
• Write a PMS draft (then revise, evaluate)

Habit 3 - Put First Things First

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Principles of Personal Management

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Results of Habit 3

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• Focus on priority issues
• Discipline
• Avoiding Crises
• Delegating Tasks
• Coordinating effort in task execution

Summary of Habits 1, 2, 3

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• To be Proactive, Values Need to be Clearly Defined
• Writing a PMS Focuses on Values
• Achieving P-M Depends on the Chosen Roles and Goals and the Effectiveness of their Achievement
• Evaluate Roles and Goals According to their Priorities

Salary Philosophy

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Emotional Bank Account (EBA) (Paradigm II)

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• As You Sow, So Shall You Reap
• Emotional Account With Oneself And Others
• Grows When There is “Trust”, Dies When Betrayed
• Must Be “Sincere” _ Genuine
• Expected to Always Sow Kindness – Charity – Love
• He Who Sows the Wind Will Reap the Whirlwind

Emotional Bank Account

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Deposits-debit vs Withdrawals-credit

EBA is filled little by little every day

• Love vs jealousy, envy, spite
• Keeping promises vs breaking promises
• Meeting expectations vs disappointing
• Honest vs Lying
• Loyal vs Betrayal
• Apologizing vs Pride

The law of love and the law of life: Unconditional love brings life

6 Behaviors that Build EBA

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• Understanding Others
• Attending to the Little Things
• Keeping Commitments
• Clarifying Expectations
• Showing Personal Integrity
• Apologizing Sincerely

Habit 4 - Think Win/Win

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Principles of Personal Leadership

6 Basic Paradigms of Human Interaction

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• W-W : Seeking mutually beneficial and satisfying agreements; not my way or your way but the best way
• W-L : Being a winner or star tends to be authoritarian, showing power. This is the most frequently used attitude
• L-W : Being a good child; saying yes but not executing, suffering inside
• L-L : Egoistic, conflict, divorce, the attitude of a dependent or quiet person
• Win : Self-centered, not caring about others, the important thing is to win
• No deal: agreeing to disagree, no expectations whatsoever

6 Paradigms of Interpersonal Interaction:

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5 Dimensions of Win-Win Interaction

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1. CHARACTER (integrity, maturity, abundance mentality)
2. RELATIONSHIPS
3. AGREEMENTS
4. SUPPORTIVE SYSTEMS
5. PROCESSES

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Think Win-Win

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• Have an abundance mentality
• Share credit for successes
• Balance courage with consideration
• Set up win-win agreements

Habit 5 - Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

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Principles of Emphatic Communication

Communication Process Model

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4 Types of Communication

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• Reading
• Writing
• Speaking
• Listening

5 Levels of Listening

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• Ignoring
• Pretending
• Selective
• Attentive
• Empathic

Autobiographical Responses

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• Evaluating
• Probing (Asking)
• Advising
• Interpreting

Stages of Empathic Listening

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• Mimicking Content
• Rephrasing the Content
• Reflecting Feeling
• Rephrasing the Content and Reflecting the Feeling

Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood

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• Do not interrupt others
• Be sensitive to others’ feelings
• Seek to fully understand issues
• Understand work group concerns
• Communicate clearly

Habit 6 - Synergize

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Principles of Creative Cooperation

Synergy?

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The whole is greater than the sum of its parts

Synergy Principles of Creative Cooperation

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• The Whole Is Greater Than The Sum Of Its Parts 1+1 = 14
• Synergy Is The Process Of Seeking The Best Alternative
• Synergy Values Differences
• Creating Synergy = Creating Conditions That Support Towards It Namely W-W Attitude, Seeking
  To Understand And Believing That Combined
  Capabilities Will Obtain The Best Alternative

Essence of Synergy

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• Valuing differences (not protective, not selfish)
• Respecting differences (not defensive, not politicizing)
• Building strengths (Not judgmental, not dictating)
• Compensating for weaknesses (giving more, trusting more)

Synergize

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• Support Responsible Risk Taking
• Use Other People’s Viewpoints
• Build Team Unity
• Search for Alternative Solutions
• Value other’s opinion

Habit 7 - Sharpen the Saw

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Principles of Balanced Self-Renewal

4 Areas of Renewal

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Sharpening the Physical

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• Regular meals and balanced nutrition
• Adequate rest (6-8 hours a day)
• Sufficient exercise (endurance, flexibility, strength, skill)
• Routine health checks

Sharpening the Spiritual

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• Learning from nature: observing, listening to nature
• Reading good spiritual books
• Praying, meditating
• Enjoying music and art

Sharpening the Mental

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• Improving education quality:
  • Watching quality TV programs
  • Reading quality books
  • Keeping a diary/journal
  • Scientific writing/authoring
  • Developing specific hobbies

Sharpening the Social/Emotional Aspects

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• Making deposits into the emotional bank account
  • Helping/serving others
  • Giving attention
  • Being friendly
  • Going out together (having a picnic together)
  • Sharing experiences with peers

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